Crack fic
by Luna'sShoes
Summary: <html><head></head>Description: Year 4. Harry wakes up one morning to find everyone's gender has been reversed except for his. Co-written by "TheLoneNargle" Please review!</html>
1. Prologue

"Harry!" roared the headmaster, "Did you put your name in the goblet of fire?"

"No sir!" Harry said, startled by his sudden shouting.

"Are you absolutely sure?" Dumbledore demanded, shaking Harry forcefully with every syllable.

"Yes sir! I didn't!" Harry cried.

The other adults and champions were giving him sceptical looks. Victor Krum especially looked disgusted with him.

"Eets obviouse ee eez lying." whispered loudly to her Champion, Fleur, who simply rolled her eyes.

Harry could sense no one in the room believed him, so he decided to just go back to his dorm.

"And where do you think you're going ?" Professor Snape snapped as Harry stormed away without being dismissed.

"Arrogant, just like his father." Snape muttered under his breath.

Harry had assumed everyone would be asleep by the time he got back, but just as he was approaching the portrait of the fat lady, two red heads emerged from the shadows.

"Hello Harry" said either Fred or George.

"We'd just like to let you know," started the other.

"That we know you couldn't have possibly put your name in the goblet of fire." finished the first.

"Really? Well it looks like you're just about the only ones." Harry sighed. "Not even Ron and Hermione believe me."

"Don't mind ickle Ronnikins, he was born a git." they said in unison.

"I don't know about that. They were there for me for my first three years, they're my best friends. Perhaps they'll come around and believe me in the morning." Harry said uncertainly.

They didn't.

For the rest of the week no one spoke to Harry except for Fred and George. What's worse, the new defence Professor Mad eye Moody used all three unforgivables in only the first class. Harry could tell this would be his worst year so far.

"Don't worry Harry. We've got a big prank in the works, it will affect everyone except for you and us. Beware." The twins said mysteriously one day, before running off and spelling old socks to fall on passers by.


	2. Chapter 1

Harry groggily opened his eyes and pulled back the curtain of his four poster bed to let the light in.

"Ahh, I'm so glad it's saturday." He murmured happily.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" someone cried out from the bathroom.

Harry, snapped awake instantly, ran over to see what was wrong.

Wand drawn he asked "Is everything okay?" through the door.

"No every things not bloody okay!" shrieked a slightly familiar voice.

"Ron?" Harry demanded, quite confused.

Upon opening the door he came across something rather unusual. Instead of the tall skinny messy haired Ron he was used to, there was a slender girl with long red locks flowing down to her hips. Her face was that of horror.

"R-R-RON?" Harry stammered in shock. "What the bloody hell?!"

"Right?" the Ron shouted "I mean, I make a pretty hot chick but what the heck is going on?"

"You've changed into a completely different gender and thats all you have to say!?" Harry demanded.

"Well it's true!" She-Ron said defensively.

"Wooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaahh! Ouf!" They heard from downstairs.

"Now what?" Harry muttered under his breath as he ran down to the common room.

"Harry! Thank god!" He heard from the bottom of the girls dormitory stairs.

"Um, sorry. I don't remember meeting you. But you should know better than to try and sneak into the girls dormitory." Harry replied, helping the boy up.

"Harry!" He squealed "It's me, Hermione."

"wha-" Harry started, then began to notice the boy's appearance. "No! Come on! Not you to!" he exclaimed.

The 'boy' had short brown curly hair and a pointy nose. His front teeth also seemed slightly larger than normal.

"What was it Harry?" She-Ron asked, only just now making it down the stairs.

"RON?"

"HERMIONE?"

"Now just what is going on here?" came the voice of a tall slim middle aged man, with little glasses and long green feminine robes.

"PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL?" the trio shrieked.

"Now now children." their head of house explained. "There seems to be a strong spell in effect here, cast by a very powerful wizard. The staff has some theories as to who… but for now, all we can do is wait it out." Professor McGonagall explained, looking them all in the eye.

"Wait, why is Harry unaffected?" Hermione asked confusedly.

"Why indeed?" Professor McGonagall replied. "Well, Harry here isn't exactly a normal wizard, are you now Harry?"

"I guess." replied the boy in question. He had been backing away from the group and was annoyed to be pulled into the conversation. How could they all talk so casually to him after their huge betrayal? Ron and Hermione used to always be there for him no matter what, and then suddenly they all hate him? The only people in the school who believed him were Fred and George. Wait…

"Where are you going Harry?" She Ron shouted from behind him.

"I just need to check on something!" He yelled over his shoulder.

"Well hello harry." Replied the two figures lurking in the shadows. They both had ridiculously long wavy red hair that reached their toes. They're freckled faces were smirking at him, and they had their hands on their curved hips in triumph.

"Fred and George?" Harry looked them over. "You're behind this aren't you?"

"Brother, we've been found out." one loudly whispered to the other.

"Seems you're right, what to do?"

"I suppose some explaining will do Harry well?" he shrugged.

"Well…" He considered this while twiddling his long red locks with one finger. "Okay."

"Follow me Harry!" They both shouted, suddenly each grabbing one of his arms and sprinting away.


	3. Chapter 2

"Where are you taking meeeeeeeee!" Harry screamed as the twins sprinted down the hall dragging him behind them.

"Ouch!" Harry flopped face first onto the stone floor as the twins abruptly stopped.

"C'mon Harry!" they shouted as they walked into an empty classroom. Harry stood up and followed them in.

"What the heck guys? That hurt!" he complained, rubbing his head.

"Harry! Listen Harry!"

"Do you want to know how we've managed this prank Harry?"

"Oh my god, what?" Harry moaned.

"Do you want to know Harry?" They whispered together.

"Fine! Sure. Whatever! How did you do it?" He asked.

"Magic." They replied, twiddling their fingers.

"Really?" Harry asked, face red and strained. "Never would have guessed!"

"Why are you so upset? We've executed our vengeance for you and everything!" one of the twins pouted.

"Also, who are you? I can never tell witch of you is witch! In fact… Diffindo!" He yelled, pointing his wand at one of the twins, leaving her with a lovely bob hairdo.

"Who are you?" He demanded.

"Why I'm George." she replied, summoning a mirror and inspecting the new do.

"Liar! I'm George. She or he is Fred for certain." The other replied, stroking her still long locks.

"You have me there George. Or should I say, Georgina!" Fred beamed.

"Definitely not!" squealed George, recoiling in disgust. "You may call me Gazelle."

"You mean Giselle right?" asked Harry.

"Certainly not. Have you not seen the grace and beauty of the gazelle as it frolics through the long grass? What even is a Giselle?"

"Wait…" Harry started. If they had done this to everyone who didn't believe him… everyone in the school then… Professor… Snape…?

"Oh my god. Oh my god I need to go to breakfast right now. This is so weird. I need to behold the unholy abomination that is she-Snape!" Harry exclaimed running out.

He sprinted through the many hallways and stairs and just as he neared the great hall he saw a little girl with a camera.

"Colin? Is that you? Sorry, I need this." Harry snatched the camera from the confused Colin and continued to the great hall.

"Oh lord…" Harry murmured. It was worse than he ever could have imagined.

Long crooked nose, greasy knee length hair, cold black eyes, and that signature sneer.

"How odd," he mused, while taking several snaps of his professor, "to see the greasy git with those huge breasts bulging through his filthy black robes."

Not having noticed Harry yet, Snape leaned over to a woman with long flowing silver hair in his place at the teachers table, and muttered something angrily.

"Oh my god, is that…?" Harry gaped from the entrance, ignoring the confused looks from the few students who had already woken up.

The woman calmly responded to Snape, who in return stormed out, robes billowing. She then turned, noticed Harry's presence, and beckoned him over.

"Good morning Harry. Still a boy are you? Curious indeed." his headmaster muttered, stroking her chin wisely, as though her beard was still there.

"Regardless, I insist you get some food in you before the day begins. Breakfast is, after all, the most important meal of the day." Dumbledore finished.

"Um, is that all sir?" Harry asked. At Dumbledore's nod he turned to go sit down at his table.

"Hello Harry." came a voice from behind him as he ate some toast.

"Luna? What is it?" Harry asked.

"Well Harry, I think I'd just like you to know that I never believed you put you're name in the goblet of fire. You just never asked." said the wispy boy with short blond wavy hair and cloudy blue eyes.

"Really? Well I wished you'd told me that before anyways." Harry murmured. "Do you want to sit here?"

"Sure Harry." Luna replied merrily. "Are you excited for Christmas?"

"Luna, it's only November, a little early for talk of Christmas isn't it?" Harry replied.

"Yes, but I'm always excited for Christmas. The lights are so pretty." Luna sighed.

The next few weeks past rather uneventfully. Save for the surprises Harry got every time he saw a new classmate of his with a reversed gender.

"Malfoy?!" Harry exclaimed in outrage.

"Got a problem Potter? I'm not the special little brat who lived, unlike you, so it shouldn't be a surprise I'm a girl now!" she shouted, pale face flushed in anger.

On a brisk November 21st while all the other students were still sleeping soundly excited for their Hogsmeade visit, Harry was sitting on his bed unable to rest.

"Dragons!?" he whispered increduously. "What the bloody hell are they thinking?"

He slipped on his invisibility cloak and snuck down to the library, paranoid about the task to come. Once he reached the restricted section, he began carefully flipping through old tomes until he found several useful spells.

"Awesome!" He muttered.

"Who's there?" Came the raspy voice of the revolting woman Filch, whom in witch Harry managed to avoid.

After memorized the incantations for the new spells, he snuck back to his dorm. That night he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

"I'm ready for this." he murmured before drifting into a deep sleep.


End file.
